Do you think is wrong to miss your ex or someone you like before? I do missing a person who I like before once a while. Sometimes, I would dream of him too. Haha.. Of course, I could not control my dream, but I have to admit that I am quite missing the feeling. I have lost that kind of feels for very long time already. Don’t h ink I have chance to experience it again.
I only have change to dance with him once. We dancing in a function in front of all the members and friends. Of course, we are not the only pair dancing there. We have few pairs dancing and playing together.
I am very happy actually. I still remember how happy am I and how excited when he hold my hand. That kind of sweet moment I would never forget.
I still remember how I am felt that time. My mind was not with me anymore. I drive motorcycle to tuition class but my mind could not concentrate on traffic or think what to do next. My mind is blank and I wishing hard to know who was the person he mentions.
I did not ask him who is the person until today. However, I know that is not me.
One day before my tuition class. He called me and we have a long chat for 2 hours! I am very happy to chat with him at the beginning. We chat we laugh together.
But not until I heard from him that he feeling strange sometime. Because he could easily change his feeling on someone who he likes before to does not like. He said that person had done something he not agreed and this made him dislike him/her anymore.
I am feeling down because I am worry I would be the one he mentions. I could felt he likes me but I am not sure does he stills like me or not.
One Chinese New Year, there was a gathering in a friend house. We were happily gather together with other friends and not willing to back home even most friends already gone. Because of him, I overnight at there and drink quite a lot that night.
We did not get drunk and did not sleep also. We just chit chat non stop from dinner time to supper time. From supper time to midnight and from midnight to morning.
I dream about the guy on and off. Actually I am not sure is him in the dream or just my imagination make me think that the guy is him. The feeling in dream just the same as him. I am not sure am I miss him or miss the feeling. It just so sweet and warm every time I think of him.
He appeared in my dream again. I was not suppose to dream of him but do not know why feeling of him just appear in my dream.
Why I am saying that “feeling of him” in the dream? Because I could not really remember his face! We have no meet more than 14 years, so sad I could not really remember his looks.
What I could remember only is the feeling when we are together. Some feeling that unforgettable sweet.
I am feeling that way every moment we are together even just a little bit happening.
Everything just a tiny matters but they sure give me a power to turn salt into sweet feeling.
The feeling is so stronge when think of him. There is a time I am chating with him in phone. He told me there is a person he “like” previously but now feeling kind of dislike due to his/her character. He even says that does not understand why the feeling would changed form likes to dislike.
I was quite worry at that time. I “felt” he likes me before and I am worry I would be the one he said dislike now. You might not believe how my reaction after the phone chat.
I still remember the whole day I was like living under blur blur situation. I went to tuition class but do not even remember what had I teach the student. My brain was blank! 
Two babies will be coming in next month. I have two friends who going to pop on next month. Suddenly, I have a strong feeling of want to carry a newborn baby. I miss the day when my children still a baby. The moment I am carried them in chest and Breastfeed them. Smell their lovely smell and touch their litle finger. That was the most peaceful and warm moment to me.
Well, this kind of moment could be only appear in my memory now. I do not think I would plan for another pregnancy. Our financial are not allow us to plan for it.
We started to chat with other using phone on the time we do not have events or training. I think I am cannot stop myself to think of him when we did not meet. So, I always be the one who call him first. Chatting and listening to his voice could be very happy too. I wonder why I dare to call him at the time, I am not a brave girl and always shy in front of public. Maybe love really could change people, I am acted differently on everything that is related to him.
I could not clearly remember how was my feeling to him changed from “no feel” to sweet when I met him. I started to search for him on every meeting, gathering and events. The most I want to know when team members ask for a gathering or meeting is “Does he attend too?”
I am in the situation of “When C is in the particular place then you definitely seen me around too” at the time. I just wish I could be with him 24 hours a day. It just feel great to be at his side. I do enjoy the feeling and moment, although it was long past.
Ever since we started to spend more time in the team, we had become very good friends. C was not the only good friend to me in the team, almost all the team members are my good friends because we share a lot of fun in the activities. We all work like brothers and sisters in a family. Sharing of our joy and happiness to each others. We chat a lot and share almost everything everyday. Sometimes, I feel that my relationships with the group members are much better than my own family members.
Do you understand the meaning of “Criticisms should be feared; gossip is a fearful thing.”? If you do not know, please check it out at here http://www.chinesehour.com/library/chinese-idioms/cbfe148217520ad80117586e3e620086/.
I am not talking about the bad side, maybe it was a good thing if it really work out. I think one of the reasons why I “love” C was because all the friends around me were talking about us at the time. They though we are a couple because we often work together in the team. I am the treasure and he was the secretary in the team, work together is just a normal thing. Do you think so? However, the more people laugh at us and make fun of us, the more weird feeling I have. I started to care about him and look at him most of the time. My feeling change when I feel that he is a nice guy at all the sudden.
I have no feeling to C at the beginning. We are just friends in an association. Co-incidentally, both of us have the same interested in particular activities, and we started to set up a team for the activities and two of us included other few members had selected as the team communities. We spent many times together to run the community. All of the members get to know each other better and deeper then. We met everyday at the association place, at the mama stall etc. Our relationship from team member to friend to over friendship has began since we work together to build the team.
Why I started to have strange feel on him? I could not really remember how and when. What I could call back was I did not like this person when I first met him. He was a way too modern and out of my imagination of person. I like person that is gentle and mature but he has the opposite character. 15 years ago, guy with long hair was not common in my living area. He is very sensitive and has the artist temper. I am quite a realistic person, I would never understand why I like him until today. Maybe that was fate?
I met C in the year of 1993. I was a 21 years old girl, who never knows what love is and never loves someone before. In fact, I do not think I love C at the time. I think C should be the person I like and admired. Although, I am thinking of him all the time, but I think that was not the LOVE. I already starting to miss him and want to listen to his voice when he just left me. I do not know how to describe the feeling, it just like I will always smile when he is around, all my brain was just him him and him.